Black, Grey or White?

Akhir-akhir ini pertanyaan tersebut terus timbul di kepala gue untuk konteks relationship. I've seen some events di mana seseorang mengatakan bahwa 'sumpah, gue gak ada apa-apa koq sama dia' tapi kalo dari angle gue sebagai orang luar 'itu sih ada apa2, bencong!'.
Seorang temen gue yang udah menikah pernah deket sama orang lain dalam masa pernikahan tsb. They shared feelings & said to each other 'i have feelings for you' & 'so do i'. They met at some places (what i should call it was 'a date') and being so secretive about their relationship to each of their spouses. Tapi waktu gue tanya 'lo ada apa siy ama dese?', temen gue tsb bilang 'kagak ada apa2 kale, nek.'. 'Ah, tapi kan lo seenggaknya ada emotional relationship donks ama dia', 'iya, gue emang ada rasa ama dia begitu juga dia ke gue, tapi we never touch each other at all. Kita gak pernah ngapa2in koq'.

Dari angle gue, gue ngerasa itu 'ada apa2' from at least emotional wise. It's a Grey area bgt gak siy...

Sementara gue adalah orang yang milih 'black' or 'white' dalam hal relationship. Gue gak pernah memilih rute 'grey' (agency kale, Grey :)). Sedikit cerita dari masa lalu gue, sebelum gue ketemu suami gue & menikah, i had 3 quite serious relationship (di luar pacaran2 lainnya yg agak gk penting). Dari 3 itu, yang 2 i chose 'black' route & yg 1 the 'white' route. Kalo emang lg di rute 'black', gue bilang gue emang 'ada apa2' despite hubungan tsb berbentuk sebatas emosional ato fisikal ato dua2nya. Kalo di rute 'white', i closed all my heart & senses terhadap segala possibilities yang bisa nge-lead kepada 'ada apa2'. I commited 100% to my relationship. I don't give any slightest chance for those who tried to approach me.

I don't choose 'grey' because it would be too dangerous for me. I will be carried away to 'black' smp ke ujung yang paling berbahaya kl gue berani open that door.
I know it's fun (been there done that!), but after married, the impact that should be paid at the end will be too much for me. It just not comparable.
Feelings gak akan pernah bisa dicegah, i've had some experience about that. But what differentiates is whether you're doing anything about it or not.

You always have options in this life. Only you who can choose. So, should we choose 'black', 'white' or 'grey'?

In Memoriam: The Lively Mbak Hesti

It was a shock when we heard that Mbak Hesti passed away this morning. Remembering her, she's so lively and full of spirit in every single thing she's doing.
She's our finance staff. Orang yang tegas tapi helpful.
Whenever we asked one simple question to her, she would advise with all of her efforts, always tried to help us understanding the answer.
Like I do, she loved her children so very much. They are so nice & kind, not those brats or 'manja' typical of children.
I asked her how her children could become that kind. She replied "Aku sayang banget sama anak2ku, dek. Tapi aku ndak manjain mereka. Kalo mereka mau sesuatu, mereka harus nabung. Yang penting usahanya, nanti kalau uangnya kurang baru aku tambahin. Mereka jadi lebih menghargain yang namanya usaha dan aku juga menghargain mereka."
"Mereka ndak pernah jajan, mereka lebih suka makan di rumah, makan masakan aku."

Now, the kind children have to say goodbye to their wise mother.

Goodbye, mbak Hesti.... Semoga arwah Mbak diterima di sisi-Nya...